While there is some correlation between the success at school and success in life, this correlation is weak. Even the connection between school grades and research success is not always clear. We can find ourselves in changing roles as a student, a researcher, and a teacher with very different requirements at each stage of our career. This article tends to present independent ideas, and you can read for your pleasure here, here, here, here, here, here and here.
To be or not to be
The question of our identity facing different life situations is a complex one. In Hamlet, the key conflicts appear twice, and each time the results are different. In our lives, many of our conflicts appear multiple times. The sort of conflicts we face is often quite constant. Our character traits, education, and values rarely change. The social situation tends to change faster. The results of similar conflicts can be very different in different stages of our lives.
For good or for evil
We have a free choice, but the main axis of our lives are quite often set without our participation. When I was young, I loved to read biographies of some ancient leaders. One of the phrases that amazed me was a teacher saying to a child “My boy, you will be nothing insignificant, but definitely something great, either for good or evil”. This means that the teacher saw in advance the conflict that is about to happen but could not predict the result of this conflict. Other characters are more enigmatic, yet in their biography, there is always a sense of imminent conflict. Did the biographers see this conflict only in hindside? Probably. I assume most people are quite skillful in concealing their conflicts from themselves and from others. A hidden conflict is a strong driving force nonetheless.
Was Einstein a good student?
Albert Einstein was arguably one of the most intelligent people on the face of the Earth and an undisputed genius. Yet his school grades were pretty average. By looking at his school card, you would not notice anything special. Some of the grades were great, and some unremarkable, in a way that did not form a distinctive pattern. The genius we know as formed after the graduation, during the so-called marvelous year. For some reason we do not fully understand, Albert Einstein created four independent ground-breaking works during a single year while working as a patent clerk. The formal education was not sufficiently stimulating for the brain of the genius, but hard work with challenging ideas generated a scientific revolution.
Finding a meaning.
When I was a teenager I read the book “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl. The man was a simple therapist, treating women with suicidal tendencies when the history changed him. Nazis took him and his family into a concentration camp. While struggling with death and apathy, he noticed that there were surprisingly no suicidal tendencies in prisoners. He thought about the life of the people in dire danger and misery. How these people find meaning and hope in their life? He wrote a book on the subject. The book changed him and it changed lives of many people. Frankl lived happily since, got many awards, published 39 books in 40 languages and died 92 years old.
A very different person changed by the history was Oliver Cromwell: the iconic general and politician who ruled England for decades. Cromwell was not exceptional in any way until his forties. When he participated in the English civil war he had to face his toughest challenges, and the war changed him.
Normal growth
Some people can be formed by their character, by the history of facing tough challenges or spontaneously by processes nobody understands. Yet most of us probably have simple and important learning experiences forming predictable behavioral patterns.
Childhood
Here I simply paraphrase well known results.
- 0-18 months: Does infant have enough loving and nurturing to develop a sense of trust?
- 18 months to 2 years: This is where the child begins to recognize their independence and faced parents reaction developing Autonomy vs. shame or doubt.
- 2-6 years: The child begins to develop a sense of responsibility for their own actions, and the way parents react generate initiative or guilt.
- 6-11 years: This stage involves a child developing a sense of self-worth via interactions with peers, becoming industrious or generating the feeling of inferiority.
- 11 years to teen years: The teenager develops an identity by literally trying out different “selves” and finding one that fits.
- Early adulthood: Think marriage, partnership, family, religious commitment, career achievement…and fear of being isolated and not obtaining goals..
Once we build a family and start a career, we are fully formed adult…
Crisis
After the normal aging, it is most common to change in case of crisis. We fear the crisis, yet if we are not crushed by it we often emerge stronger.
Failure does not go painlessly. Our reputation and image in our own eyes may get destroyed. We may lose libido, and feel self-loathing. This may generate a vicious cycle of procrastination, low confidence, indecisiveness and mistakes generating further failures.
Eventually, we understand that we need to change. We learn new things, find new motivations. Sometimes we develop the courage to keep trying. Other times we develop humility, understanding that we can fail just like everybody else. And occasionally we develop compassion for other people.
Space and focus
Thinking requires space and focus. Usually, we do not allow ourselves to procrastinate. However, we can get sick or lose our job. Someone we love may depart from us. We may complete a huge project and feel empty.
When the emptiness grows within us, we cannot help thinking, wondering, imagining. Sometimes we start experimenting in our head, checking various situations. Occasionally we start writing.
People change when they have space, time and focus. Some people get spiritual wisdom, some mathematical intuition or creative drive.
Fighting negative thoughts
The engine of our growth can also be the source of our deepest sorrows. People fight with negative thoughts and grow.
When we get depressed, we talk to our friends or go to therapists. Other people can see patterns we missed. They point out how we distort reality and put question marks in all the right places.
Once we are ready to challenge the negative thoughts, we reevaluate our past and our future, the way we perceive things. We check what drove us to the respond inappropriately in various situation and build alternative behaviors.
Then we release our judgment. Sometimes we make art, sometimes release the extra energy in sports, and sometimes we write gratitude journals.
Learning
We do not want our children and protegees to learn in “the school of hard knocks”, so we try to influence them in more academic forms.
Friendly walks
As a mentor, we can have some quality time with our protege. We can lunch together, drink coffee, walk or otherwise have fun. At the same time, we can talk about life and what matters. Different situations we encounter are triggers for hearty conversations about different subjects.
Exchanging thoughts in informal and pleasant environment bypass the inner filters and generate more immediate communication. Sports coaches, art teachers, and friends often have more influence on youngsters than authority figures, because they have shared an interest and can exchange thoughts in an informal environment.
Explain-Motivate-Prove-Guide
When discussing subjects there are several viable approaches.
A mentor can explain the information and improve core confidence. This is the fastest and a bit lazy approach.
The opposite approach is to motivate the student find out the truth by himself. Typically this motivational approach is used when the mentor himself is not sure about the subject.
If the mentor has full control over the subject, he can prove his point. This is the most educating method since it provides not only the final result but also the research methodology and verification tools.
Finally, the mentor can guide the protegee through the challenges step by step. This approach is used for the most complex and arduous tasks. It transfers the know-how, but not necessarily the reasoning.
Gifted people
Working with gifted students is a special challenge. Gifted people are different: they are rebellious and challenge the guidance, bring in their own perspectives, and do not agree to do things just because they are told to.
While gifted students will learn faster than others, they will find new ways to fail and will ask hard questions. They will also often have unreasonably high expectations and anxiety levels.
In general, gifted students grow up to be highly accomplished and well-adjusted adults. However, if they do not get a sufficiently high level of stimulation, they can become loners.
Christofer Langan is one of the most intelligent people alive, yet he did not get the required stimulation. By his mid-40s had been a construction worker, cowboy, Forest Service Ranger, farmhand, and, for over twenty years, a bouncer on Long Island.
It takes a highly intelligent and accomplished mentor to teach a gifted student. For example, in the beginning of this article, I mentioned Alcibiades. His mentor was Socrates.
Simplify
We are formed by who we are, what we learn, who teaches us, the crisis we face and the era we live in. With time we generate complex experience, get tired and confused.
At some point in life, we often stop and integrate our experiences, trying to simplify them and distill the wisdom within. Truly great people are often very simple, because they cannot afford spend time on trivial distractions.
